its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
