I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
