my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
