And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
