I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
