Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
