Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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