I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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