I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
