sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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