There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
