I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
barbara walters just said penis...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
