I cannot find my penis.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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