remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
