apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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