grandma shit on top of the toilet
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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