Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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