the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
