O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
