with your own penis?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
