Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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