Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
