Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
