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He uses pillows to masturbate.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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