does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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