Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
