A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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