Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
