I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
