BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
