Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I supernannyed him into submission
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
