there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Randomize
