I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
