dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am mentally ready for anal.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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