...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
