Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think I just sharted jello shots
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
