office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Threesome in a minivan. New low
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
