You made me cry and you don't even care
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
