would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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