the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i barfeds in our rink
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
