her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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