Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
