Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
