I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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