every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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