i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
