i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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