Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i love accidental penises.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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