Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
