you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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